When Alt-Right and Alt-Left clash in furious altercation it’s time for all parties concerned to alter their attitudes.
And I’m tired of all these Alt-whackos vying for attention; aren’t you?
Although I may be operating in an alternative universe to even suggest that all these rampant extremists could ever allow themselves to agree on anything, I nevertheless assert that anything can happen and occasionally does.
I mean, we almost split up about a hundred and fifty year ago, but the advocates of American unity prevailed and we managed to overcome the great divide that almost split us asunder.
So really, to split up now after all we’ve been through would be asinine.
Also, it would be un-American.
So I’m hoping we can assemble any alliance we can assimilate to alleviate this awful divisiveness. I mean, even Alt-Center would be better than what we got now. And a little altruism wouldn’t be a bad idea either.
Can we find some agreement here? I mean, my daddy used to say it’s hard to remember when you’re ass-deep in alligators our objective was to drain the swamp. The Alt-Right politicians said they wanted to drain the swamp. And I know that idea has a lot of allure for folks who want to stir up the pot, but you gotta remember in a free country some folks would rather smoke the pot than stir it up.
We all just gotta get along here. You hear what I’m sayin’? We gotta find the allowable limits of all this alternating Alt-ism, Alt-this and Alt-that and then we gotta adjust our attitudes so as to lower the altitudes of aggression before it’s all over.
I mean, in ancient time when things got this bad God allowed an alluvial disaster to alleviate all the alleged bad stuff that was going down at that time. So lets’s not forget that a rising tide lifts all boats. Yeah, and I say unto thee: all aboard that’s goin’ aboard. And if you believe that I’ve got some alluvial deposits in Arizona I’ll sell ya.
Let's make a deal; it's the American way. We're always dealin'! Dont' let yer deal go down.
Are you trackin’ with me here? The climes they are a-changin’! I’m a-tellin’ ya, And things are gonna heat up real quick if’n we don’t align ourselves with the planetary potentiary powers of of political Alt-centrism. And not only that, let's allocate some good ole fashion common sense, y’all; send it to the Appropriations committee.
So let’s adjust these attitudes, what’dya say?
Think about it this way. If’n you get the alt-extremist notion to call somebody an alt-asshole just check it at the door because them’s fightin’ words, and also because everybody has one so why call it to everybody’s attention!. Instead, you could allay the fears of all parties and both so-called Parties by just, instead of inciting to riot, advancing toward some kind of advantageous alliance instead of a big all-out alt-ercation that degenerates into some freak goin’ bonkers and drivin’ a car into a crowd of Alt-leftists, even if they are Antifa.
Doh ray me fa. Anti-Doh, Anti-ray, Anti-me, Anti-you, Anti-fatherhood, Anti-motherhood, Anti-apple pie, baseball and even Anti-Chevrolet!
I mean I’m from Ford country. On a quiet night you can hear the Chevys a-rustin’. Nevetheless, I love all you Chevy-idiots out there? Come on, now! Group hug. Stop and smell the Anti-roses.
Serially, though, What’s it all coming to? What’s it all about Alfie?
I mean, these days seems like everybody and their brother is anti- something, but I am posing the question here and now—just what are for? What the hell are you for? Are you FOR anything? Motherhood and apple pie?
On the other hand, now that I think about it, I ascertain that even Motherhood is on the choppin’ block now, with all this trans-this and trans-that, trans-he and trans-her, trans-he-she-it.
And if you wonder what I’m alluding to, think again. I appeal to our better angels. But if you can’t attest to all that, just fuhgeddabowdit. We’re done here. Maybe it’s just me.
I prob’ly need to see my analyst.
I’m just upset because I’m over-reacting because I’m allergic to Altism of any kind, left or right, liberal or conservative, fascist or communist; and I think if the Chileans could get past the Allende v. Pinochet debacle then we can overcome this whatever-we-got now ascent toward Alt-assininity.
What we the need around here is some dam prayer. But if you can’t allow that, if it’s against your constitutional sensitivities and asininities, just let the cards fall as they may; we’ll play politics awhile till the altercation blows over.
We’ll let the cards fall as they may, if that’s the way it must be. Let the prize go to the highest bidder.
I bid four hearts.
And your bid is what?
Four no-trump, you say? For no-trump?
Well ok then. We’ll see how this plays out.
But wait! What light through yonder window breaks?, methinks I hear the strains of a faraway refrain:
“Through the Altists’ red glare,
with taunts bursting in air--,
it gave proof through the night
that our freedom was still there!
Oh say! that star-spangled banner does yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!”
King of Soul